happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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