and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
