I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
