I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
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do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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