I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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