are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
