The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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