Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
