There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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