I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
