I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
