i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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