accomplished twins. life is a go
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
