You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
