And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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