why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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