Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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