no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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