Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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