I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
