Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
