so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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