Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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