I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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