I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you would pick up someone in the library
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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