She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
