I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Girls should come with a carfax report
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
