with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
