Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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