remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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