I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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