I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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