I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
