he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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