We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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