I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana