He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.