Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
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Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.