ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.