Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
