All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my being single is dangerous.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
