Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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