let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
