Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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