Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
