woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
