Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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