He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
