moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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