She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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