I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
