Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
