well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
