so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
