The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
