just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
