I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
