There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
