I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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