she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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