: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
