I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
