glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
