Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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