The maid of honor just puked.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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