i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
