oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
