Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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