Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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