I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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