I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
