If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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