some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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