And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
