I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
