There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".