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your parents love me but you hate me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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