the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
