WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
