OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
