Betty ford says i'm here all night
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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